Government Tenderpreneurship: To Do or To Drop?

In Kenya, the dream of making it big often has one big shiny road sign: Government Tenders. It's like seeing a jackpot machine spinning, except in this case, it's a tender that could change your life. But is it really the dream it promises to be, or just a well-packaged nightmare? If you've been tempted to jump into the world of tenders, let's pause. Breathe. Before you submit your 49-page bid document at 11:59 p.m., allow me to walk you through a few reasons why tenderpreneurship might just be a path you want to drop faster than the price of maize flour in January.

1. The Waiting Game (and not the fun kind)

Once you submit your bid, congratulations! Now, you wait...and wait... and wait. If waiting was a sport, you'd be an Olympic gold medalist. With government tenders, timelines are as flexible as a Nairobi matatu route during rush hour. You could be waiting for feedback for months, sometimes even years. Your grandkids may inherit your unapproved tender by the time it's processed.

2. Payments That Arrive Later than Kenyan Music Royalties

In Kenya, waiting for your tender payment can feel like waiting for a national holiday to be declared on a Tuesday. It’s rare and unpredictable. Payments can be delayed indefinitely, leaving you with debts deeper than a political rally's promises. Recent cases of contractors going bankrupt after securing government tenders should be enough warning. Some even ended up auctioning their beloved Subaru to settle the bills.

3. Corruption: The Game You Didn't Know You Signed Up For

You thought you were competing based on your stellar credentials and well-researched business proposal? Oh, how sweet. Sometimes, getting a tender feels like you’re entering a boxing match, and your competition is a champion who's been training in a secret government gym. Your best bid can be sidelined by someone with better “connections” and, let's be honest, a heavier brown envelope. The recent scandals in NYS, KEMSA, and other government bodies have been prime examples of how the real "winner" isn't necessarily the best prepared, but the best networked.

4. Ever-Changing Tender Requirements

Have you ever been midway through a tender application, only for the requirements to change faster than the price of unga during election season? One minute, they need your certificate of incorporation; the next, they want your entire family tree, with birth certificates for all your ancestors. It’s a bureaucratic maze where every wrong turn costs you time and money, leaving you more confused than a first-time voter.

5. The Tenderpreneur Reputation

Let’s face it, once you dive into government tenders, you risk being labeled as a "tenderpreneur," a term that in Kenya carries about as much trust as a 5:00 pm rain forecast. You may become the subject of juicy social media memes or even end up with your own exposé on primetime news. And not the good kind.

6. Risk of Whistleblowers and Auditor General's Report

If you're lucky enough to land a tender, don’t get too comfortable. At any moment, a whistleblower could pop out, and before you know it, your name is splashed across the Auditor General’s report. Suddenly, you're trending for all the wrong reasons, being grilled about "questionable procurement procedures" faster than you can say "Kenya ni yetu." Remember the KEMSA billions saga? Yeah, not worth the risk.

To Drop!

So, is tenderpreneurship worth it? Unless you’ve got nerves of steel, a bank account that can withstand year-long droughts, and connections that make you as untouchable as a politician’s campaign fund, it might be time to drop the idea. Instead, maybe focus on building a business the old-fashioned way – hard work, fewer scandals, and a lot less stress. As Kenyans, we’re resilient and innovative, and the last thing you need is to be caught in the crossfire of government inefficiencies and corruption. The lesson here? Stick to your hustle. Leave the tenderpreneurship to those who have mastered the art of waiting and playing invisible chess with paperwork.